I definitely did my research before applying for TFA. I searched the internet like it was nobody's business. I found blogs from teachers who had been through the grinder, teachers who had quit, people who were anti-TFA, even a teacher who was sued for a couple million dollars. But, it didn't phase me. Well, that's a lie, it phased me a bit, but after a few minutes I was "de-phased." I still wanted to do it, I thought it would be a cool experience. I'm tough. I've always been tough. Bring on the kids.
But, there was so much I didn't know. So much I couldn't possibly find on the internet. So much that can only be found through this experience.
However, this blog had not been written yet... (read it, it's definitely worth it- and the rest of my post will probably not make sense if you don't... come on, just read it.)
So now that you have read that (you better have read it, if not this is your last chance to go back and read it, seriously, last chance) you may have a glimpse of what it's like. But, unless you have been through it, there is no blog, no stories, that can actually explain the complexity of it all. Complexity doesn't even begin to describe "it", there is no one word that can describe this experience this thing we are up against.
It is tough. It's really tough. But I'm tough, so I've met my match. No. It's bigger than me. It's bigger than "us." It's this anomaly. Like a villain in a movie, but really it's something that is trying to help. I'm confused. I'm up against the Educational System, the Government, other teachers, this achievement gap, and of course, the kids. All at once.
But right now, I'm surviving. I'm surviving because I know that I'm only a piece of this battle. I can't change everything all at once. I can't magically make all of my kids read on grade level. I can't physically pull them out of gangs. I can't force them to come to school. I can't....But, what's the point of dwelling on what I can't do? It's what I can do. I can teach them science. I can help them read. I can be there for them. I can encourage them. I can help them enjoy school. I can do all of that for 140 kids. And as much as TFA has its flaws, if it can get 4,000 people to do all that for 140 kids each year... well I'm no math wiz- but that's half a million kids affected, just from one year of corp members.
If I had read that blog pre-applying for TFA, I really can't say what I would have done. Hopefully, I would have been phased for a tad bit longer, but then followed the same path and applied anyway. But, as they say, everything happens for a reason. So, thank you, Sarah, for waiting until July. (If you're wondering who Sarah is, it's because you didn't listen and didn't click on the link... she's the writer of the blog, and she didn't write it until this past July. Now go back and read it damnit. Please and thank you.)
Lots of love,
Caroline
