If I only knew...

I definitely did my research before applying for TFA. I searched the internet like it was nobody's business. I found blogs from teachers who had been through the grinder, teachers who had quit, people who were anti-TFA, even a teacher who was sued for a couple million dollars. But, it didn't phase me. Well, that's a lie, it phased me a bit, but after a few minutes I was "de-phased." I still wanted to do it, I thought it would be a cool experience. I'm tough. I've always been tough. Bring on the kids.

But, there was so much I didn't know. So much I couldn't possibly find on the internet. So much that can only be found through this experience.

However, this blog had not been written yet... (read it, it's definitely worth it- and the rest of my post will probably not make sense if you don't... come on, just read it.)

10 Things You Must Know About Teach for America Before You Apply

So now that you have read that (you better have read it, if not this is your last chance to go back and read it, seriously, last chance) you may have a glimpse of what it's like. But, unless you have been through it, there is no blog, no stories, that can actually explain the complexity of it all. Complexity doesn't even begin to describe "it", there is no one word that can describe this experience this thing we are up against.

It is tough. It's really tough. But I'm tough, so I've met my match. No. It's bigger than me. It's bigger than "us." It's this anomaly. Like a villain in a movie, but really it's something that is trying to help. I'm confused. I'm up against the Educational System, the Government, other teachers, this achievement gap, and of course, the kids. All at once.

But right now, I'm surviving. I'm surviving because I know that I'm only a piece of this battle. I can't change everything all at once. I can't magically make all of my kids read on grade level. I can't physically pull them out of gangs. I can't force them to come to school. I can't....But, what's the point of dwelling on what I can't do? It's what I can do. I can teach them science. I can help them read. I can be there for them. I can encourage them. I can help them enjoy school. I can do all of that for 140 kids. And as much as TFA has its flaws, if it can get 4,000 people to do all that for 140 kids each year... well I'm no math wiz- but that's half a million kids affected, just from one year of corp members.

If I had read that blog pre-applying for TFA, I really can't say what I would have done. Hopefully, I would have been phased for a tad bit longer, but then followed the same path and applied anyway. But, as they say, everything happens for a reason. So, thank you, Sarah, for waiting until July. (If you're wondering who Sarah is, it's because you didn't listen and didn't click on the link... she's the writer of the blog, and she didn't write it until this past July. Now go back and read it damnit. Please and thank you.)

Lots of love,

Caroline

Holidays in Houston

I am so blessed to be surrounded by the amazing people I call my friends. We work hard, and we play even harder. In the last three weeks, I attended my School's Xmas Party, the TFA Xmas Party, Lights in the Heights, a Texan's game, and celebrated Lauryn and Maria's 23rd Birthdays.

I cannot believe this year is coming to an end, but I am so excited to start the New Year with these guys. Love you all.

The Deady Christmas Party was a blast. I really do love the people I work with and we had a ton of fun on the dance floor.

The TFA Xmas party was pretty much a chance for us to get dressed up and share each other's company. We then headed out to say goodbye to Allison as she headed off to Boston.

Lights in the Heights is a night of fabulous Christmas lights displays over a stretch of blocks in the area of Houston called the Heights.

At the Texan's game with Nick and Cory! What started as a fun Monday evening of tailgating, turned in to a boring first half of football, followed by an extremely exciting 2nd half, ending, sadly, in a Texan's loss.

I rocked my Forte jersey, and Nick and I even got free Texan's tshirts :)

Out to dinner for Lauryn and Maria's Bdays at Cafe Adobe. Even with so many good mexican joints in Houston, we keep coming back to Adobe for more!

My two beautiful roommates and I celebrating a Tacky Xmas and Birthday fun at our apartment!

Tacky Xmas at the Railyard on Lauryn's Bday!

This is a bar I have wanted to go to since we moved into our apartment. It is right on the railroad tracks about a block away from our apartment.

Strangely, it is as if this type of bar follows me.

Trax, anyone?

Now I'm home for 2 weeks to enjoy my family and friends. A much needed, and I'd say well deserved, break!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love,

Caro

6 month anniversary

My 6 month anniversary is coming up. And no I do not have a secret boyfriend.

In 2 days I will have been in Houston for 6 months. One half of a year. A whole semester. Yes, 6 months. It seems like a long time when you look at it in the sense that it is half of a year. It's longer than a semester of college. It's longer than my trip abroad. It's a really long time. However, sometimes when I think about it, it seems like just yesterday I flew down here. Just yesterday was institute, just yesterday I met my kids. But it's been 6 months since I moved down here. The amount of "stuff" whether that be work or play, that I have packed into these 6 months is unimaginable. It's 1/4 of my commitment to TFA, and 1/6 of the time I will be down here for sure. It's approximately 1/46 of my life thus far and 1/160 of my entire life. (We're taking the math benchmark right now, I'm all about the numbers.)

I just keep going back and forth about whether or not it is a long time. In perspective I guess it's really not that long, but damn, I've been in Houston for 6 months.

In 6 months I... (in no particular order)

Met lifelong friends

Learned a lot about teaching

Learned a lot about coaching

Learned a lot about science

Went to Class

Saved 2 lives

Broke up a fight

Taught

Coached

Laughed

Cried

Made Money

Spent Money

Had my wallet stolen

Lost my keys

Paid my own rent

Bought furniture

Paid lots of bills

Went to the pool

Went to the beach

Went to a BBQ (In November)

Hosted a Thanksgiving feast

Discovered Whataburger

Ate a lot of junk

Worked out at 6AM

Blogged

Made 100s of powerpoints

Colored

Slept

Watched a lot of football

Received a grant

Drank

Stopped Drinking

Cut my own hair

Went to Chicago

Went to some Aeros games

Went to Cubs/Astros games

Went to Rice Football games (v. Texas and Northwestern)

Wore Safety goggles

Ran suicides

Drove about 3,500 miles

Hacked a computer (To get youtube for my kids)

Sharpened 1000s of pencils

Served Breakfast

Wore Sillybands

and I'm sure there are many more....

So happy 6 month anniversary to all of you who have been going through this same experience. It's been a bumpy road, but the journey is worth it.

CS

Corpus Christi and World Record possibly set...

Wow- time flies when you're having fun... that or I have just forgotten to look at a calendar for about a month.

I lose track of the days, I lose track of the hours, sometimes I think it's last period on a Friday when really it's 2nd to last period on a Thursday- not the best days those ones. But sometimes, I'm having so much fun that I think it's 2:00 and it's really 3. It's an emotional roller

coaster, teaching.

There definitely are some perks though...Sunday afternoon I left for 3 days of professional development, all expenses paid, in Corpus Christi which is about 4 hours south of Houston. Four of my friends and I packed up a jeep and headed out on the open road. We got into Corpus around 6 grabbed some dinner, and hit the hot tub. Our hotel was on the beach, and we each had a room to ourselves (mine even had a balcony!). We called it an early night because we did have to wake up the next morning for the conference.

Monday- Woke up at 7:50 was downstairs by 8. I was greeted by a buffet of breakfast. My breakfast usually consists of a toaster strudel or some cereal in a red solo cup. This was really breakfast, eggs, bacon, sausage, breakfast potatoes, fruit, cereal, and fresh squeezed orange juice. Yummy.

The conference was really fun, actually. We did little experiments having to do with energy. One of the biggest things I have been struggling with this year is Science. Yes, the content of what I teach. Well, I have already taught energy and energy transformations so I was a rockstar. I felt so smart, it was phenomenal. It gave me hope that by next year I will be a Science genius and be able to teach my kids everyyyything they need to know.

Anyway- back to the food... lunch was a fajita bar which was glorious, we all stuffed our faces then headed out to the beach. After lunch we did a debate about the different energy sources outside which was kind of intense and a little too competitive- even for me, shocker.

Afterwards we headed out to the beach again and then got ready for dinner. We went to this sports bar with even more delicious food. We played some pool and had a grand ole time. We did some trivia then went back to the hotel and back to the hot tub. It was about 70 degrees up by the hot tub and after that we went down to the beach where we thought it would freezing but it was so nice, the water was even pretty warm! We did have to watch out for the jelly fish though!

Tuesday was another day of the conference- fun science and another great food day and then we were headed back to Houston.

Sorry to be choppy but I must watch the Bears game...

My school has been implement tardy sweeps. All the teachers lock their doors when the tardy bell rings and anyone who is left in the hallway must go to the auditorium and receive a detention for being late to class. In my last period class one of the kids was swept up and received a detention. He came into my class and did not have his homework. When you don't turn in your homework you receive a detention. Frank had gotten 2 detentions in a span of about 20 minutes. Halfway through my class we were doing independent work. My kids were being especially rowdy so I said if you talk you will receive a detention. Nothing shuts them up like that phrase. Frank decided to talk. I had to write him a detention. That was 3 detentions in about 45 minutes. I think he set a world record. After class I needed some help bringing stuff down to my car. In an interesting turn of events, Frank was the very first one to volunteer to help me. He either has a really short attention span, really likes me, or doesn't give a crap about detentions. It's probably some sort of combination of the three.

Until next time (which will hopefully be sooner than later)

Caroline

High speed car chase...

Okay, so it wasn't high speed, I'm pretty sure we only reached about 35 mph, but still, I was involved in a medium speed car chase.

No, I was not the one being chased, and for those of you who assumed that, shame on you. Or, shame on me for making you assume that. I was the one chasing.

I was leaving school headed to our last football game. I pulled out of the parking lot and saw my Principal starting to jog. Then he started running a bit faster, and before I knew it he was in a full out sprint. He was not the only one running, though, a student was running not 50 yards in front of him.

I pulled up to a stop sign at about the same time Mr. Alvarez was turning the corner. I rolled down my window and asked if he needed any help- for I was in a vehicle, and he was on foot. "Nooo, thank you Miss Schwartz," he responded a little short of breath. I proceeded to make a complete stop. When I started to drive away my principal grabbed on to my car door and yelled "Wait," apparently he had changed his mind and wanted my 4 runner's assistance. He hollered for the police officer that works at my school. I went from minding my own business, driving to the football game, to becoming involved in chasing a kid with my principal in the back seat and a police officer in my front seat. Interesting change of events...

I would be lying if I said I was not curious about why we were chasing this kid. I didn't even ask, and Mr. Alvarez says that this kid, a high school student, decided it would be a good idea to smoke pot on our middle school campus. Little did he know our principal is awesome and in a matter of minutes he would be running from the cops (mmm... Miss Schwartz and co.)

We followed this kid for about 3 blocks. I was doing my best to be the perfect driver considering I was carting around two fairly important people, but that ended quickly when the police officer told me to blow the stop sign. We caught up to the kid and the officer and my principal jumped out of my moving vehicle. They split up and caught him right in front of my car. To say this was awkward would be an understatement. Me, just chillin' in my car, not knowing if I should stay or go watching them frisk this kid and question him.

Did I mention Coach White was following me to the football game? No, I left that part out. Coach White was behind me for all of this. As I was waiting, he called me and asked what the heck was going on. I was still short on details but I filled him in for the most part.

The outcome of all of this was not as exciting as the chase, he had dumped whatever he had and was pretty much just laughing the whole time. They got his name, and got back in my car. I drove them back to the school and then was on my way to the football game.

This all happened in a matter of 6 minutes. What an exhilarating 6 minutes that was.

Bad boys bad boys whatchya gonna do when they come for you?

C

Confidence, the mini-lesson

Mondays we have advocacy. I also forget about that and end up having to plan something super quick. Today- I had a genius idea that just came out of nowhere (well not really it came from the TV) bullying. Bullying has become a huge issue at my school and even though my advocacy kids are really good kids, I thought I should still talk to them about bullying. I literally googled "how to talk to middle schoolers about bullying" on my phone. Brilliance, pure brilliance. It had a step by step guide on how to do it. I added some things... like while I was reading the step by step guide I gave them all a half piece of paper and prompted them to write about a time you were bullied, you witnessed someone being bullied, or you bullied someone. Most of them got to writing really quickly, but some were actually quick to question me, "Misssss won't you get mad if we say we have bullied someone?" I told them it could be anonymous if they wanted (a lot of them ended up putting their names on it) and I would not be mad, I just wanted them to be honest with themselves. While they were writing I whipped out a poster board and started writing all the stuff I found on this website.

One of the key points was to instill self-confidence. PERFECT, I needed to introduce this word to them. I was fearful of this introduction, however, because I did not want to hear that no one knew what this word meant.

No one knew what it meant.

I don't even remember what they actually said when I asked, "Do you guys know what confidence is?"

Their responses sounded like a different language because they were so, beyond, off.

Luckily, I had dictionaries in my classroom, and I had them look up the definition, instead of just telling them what it was. One of the definitions that a student offered up was "belief in yourself and your abilities." Right away multiple students shouted out, "that's just like our pledge!" Oh my gosh, I could not have asked for a better connection.

Here is our class pledge:

I am a young adult with hope. I am talented, smart & capable of success. I have dreams for the future & I will climb to reach those goals & dreams everyday. I believe in myself and in my ability to do my best. I am intelligent. I am capable of greatness. I can learn. I will learn. Today, I will listen. I will speak. I will see. I will think. I will feel. I will reason. I will read and I will write. I will do all these things with one purpose in mind: to do my best. I am too smart to waste today.

Everyday we read this pledge as a class, and it has gotten to the point that they have it memorized.

I asked them if they really meant these words when they said them everyday, and one student said yes, followed by this profound quote:

"I do believe in myself, I just didn't know that's what confidence meant."

So, to answer my previous question, I guess it is possible to be confident even if you don't know the meaning of the word.

Herein lies the problem... their reading levels are so low. They don't know basic definitions.

I almost find this to be better than them not having confidence in themselves though, we can teach them how to read, but it's up to them to be confident.

Caroline

October Blues

Everyone warned us that October would be tough. They weren't kidding. I don't know the exact reasons as to why October is so difficult but I thought of a few that may be adding to our stressful lives...

- ACP Classes ...For the month of October we have one every monday 530-830

-No Holidays ...September we only had 2 five day weeks, October is our first full month

-The Honeymoon is over...We are not the young excited new teachers anymore... we're tired and stressed

-It's football season...this is a stretch, but my weekends are literally dedicated to watching football, all day Saturday- college, (I watched from 11-1 yesterday), and all day Sunday nfl (from 12-10 usually)... I should be planning but I've got a lot of football to watch :)

The bright side- there's only one more week in October, and I can't help but think that this month has gone fairly fast. It probably helps that it still feels like it's summer here :)

The days fly by when you're looking back at them, but when you're living them, they seem to drag on. This is not your average 9-5 job, not by a long shot. This is a 24/7 job. When we're not actually teaching, we are either planning to teach, thinking about teaching, talking about teaching, or dreaming about teaching. Even as I'm sitting here watching the Bears game, I'm planning for the next week/blogging about it.

This week is the last week of Deady football which is pretty bittersweet. I'm sad that it's going to be over because I look forward to it everyday, but it's going to be nice to have those extra two-three hours every night. I'm also looking forward to a conference I'm going to in Corpus Christi Nov. 15th and 16th and going home for Thanksgiving. It's going to be really nice to be able to re-energize and get back to finish off the semester before Xmas break.

It's almost half time which is pretty much the only time I get any work done, so I'm off to do that.

Until next time,

Caroline

More vocab

AH! another question and this time it was "Miss what does enthusiasm mean?"

I'm going to make a positive/happy vocab list for my classes.

If more questions arise I will add them to the list. So far we have:

-Confident

-Enthusiasm

At lunch I'm talking to the reading teacher,

CS

Confident

Today is day 2 of lock-down benchmark testing. It is basically tests that are only taken for data, so we can try and teach them all the stuff they don't know for when TAKs comes. These poor kids. 8 hours of testing. Yesterday and today have been pretty nice for me though, just sitting in the front of the room, bringing them pencils every once in a while when they push the lead to the scantron too hard because they are frustrated with the ridiculousness of taking these tests. I don't blame them.

I've never proctored a test. I guess it's something that I can cross off my bucket list that not many people have had the opportunity to do. I've had many a test proctored for me but I never really saw, or cared for that matter, what the job entailed. Not much. I pass out the tests, pass out the scantrons, read a blurb about how they must answer each question by filling in the bubble completely, all that good stuff. Also, how I can not answer any questions unless they are about directions. Okay, ready, go.

I still get the occasional question that is about content where I have to say, I can't answer that, do your best. A moment ago, I was hit with a question that may stick with me for the rest of my life. He silently raised his hand and I brought him a pencil. "No Miss I don't need a pencil." "What's up?" I asked. He pointed to his test and asked, "what does confident mean?" I immediately had to pick my jaw up from the floor and say, "I can't answer that, do your best." First of all, I wish I knew the context of the question but seeing as I am not even allowed to look at the test that was impossible. Second of all, why does this child not know what the word confident means? Not that it even matters, but this is one of my brightest kids. Confidence. This is something I am blessed (or burdened) with having a lot of. My confidence has gotten me through a lot and this child does not even know what the word means let alone the idea of it. It actually feels like someone just shot me with a stun gun. I am bewildered by the fact that not once in his existence has this boy heard the word confident. I would even say that he is a pretty confident student, proud of his work, willing to help others, but he doesn't even know what it means.

So I question myself, can one have confidence, be confident, without the basic knowledge of the word itself?

Mini-Lesson here we come.

CS

I just wanna teach.

So I have officially signed my name on the dotted line stating that I will stay for a third year.

It was so easy to sign this piece of paper. It felt right. Simple. Now, I'm thinking, "Wow, I can't believe I did that." Not in a bad way at all, but the fact that I made a decision about something 2 years from now is crazy. I'd like to think of myself as someone who plans ahead, b-ut 2 years ahead, wow.

I signed that piece of paper for many reasons, some of which include (in no particular order):

1- I don't think 2 years is enough. I signed up for this 2 year commitment, but now that I'm here, living it, I don't think I can accomplish all the change I want to accomplish in these 2 years.

2- I want to see my 6th graders graduate from Deady and go to High School. I've known these kids for under 3 months, and already they mean so much to me. I want to help them get to High School, and that will require me to at least teach for 3 years.

3- I want to see what teaching is like with out having to deal with TFA. Basically, I just wanna teach. If I am enjoying it now while I have to attend countless meetings and events that are telling me the same things over and over again, I can't imagine how much I will enjoy it when I don't have to essentially waste my time with all of that. Everyone always asks if I will continue teaching after TFA, and as of today, the answer is yes, however only one extra year. I do not see myself teaching for the rest of my life, but I also haven't had enough experience to actually make that decision. So, I'm hoping that teaching for a third year will help me make that decision.

The only thing I know for sure for my future in teaching is that I will be staying in Houston until 2013. After that, who knows. I also know that I will be moving back to Chicago in the future... when though? who knows. But I will. I have to. I love it there. Maybe I'll teach there though, who knows. Maybe I'll get an advertising job, who knows. Maybe I'll work for the Bears, that'd be sick. I really have no idea what is in store for me, but for now, I am staying positive and going with the flow.

I just wanna teach, teach, teach no matter what what. For awhile at least.

Caroline

Silly Science

So sorry for the hiatus. I've been somewhat busy attempting to teach the children about Science, that I, myself, do not remember/know.

I have been struggling with the fact that I seem to be somewhat "unknowledgeable" of the content. Every week I have to re-teach myself all of the stuff I learned 10 years ago that I am planning on teaching.

Good news... I took a Science test and on

ly got 3 wrong! 37/40, a 93%.

Bad news... It was the 5th grade Science TAKs test.

More good news... it seems as if I have done a fantastic job forming relationships with my students. They are loving my rewards systems, individual and class rewards. They talk to me about their interests without being prompted to. They give me silly bandz and make my name out of them...

But best of all, they are excited to be in my class. Today, Leo asked, "Miss, why does your class go by so fast?" (reminder: my classes are 90 minutes long). I replied, "Because Science is so fun! Time flies when you're having fun!" He said "Nahh Miss, I think it's because of you."

I almost wanted to run outside the classroom, close the door, and do a victory dance. Instead, I smiled, gave him a little wink, and continued with my lesson, because I have so much to teach them and so little time... (even if sometimes it feels as if time is dragging on.)

But most of the time, it seems that I'm running out of time. There are not enough hours in a day to plan or implement everything I think would benefit my kids. Besides all of my teacher duties (which I did not realize included an excessive amount of mostly pointless paperwork) I am taking classes. In the month of October I have a 3 hour class every Monday that pretty much requires me to leave right after school to get there on time. So, by the time I get home it's almost 9 which is barely enough time to watch Gossip Girl and get to bed. Then, I also have class every other Wednesdays for 3 hours. Blah.

Bottom Line: It's a lot of work.

I try with all of my being to not complain, I really do try, but sometimes it's impossible. Sometimes, the things I have to do outside the classroom seem so unimportant and that I could be spending my time preparing for my actual teaching instead. That is what frustrates me beyond belief. I just have to keep thinking that everything I am doing is for the greater good of my kids, and will help me in the long run... Even if it means I have to repeat that to myself over and over again. There's nothing I dislike more than hearing myself complain. Really, what do I have to be complaining about? I have a job that I enjoy, great friends, an awesome family, and I am healthy and happy.

Pretty sweet life if you ask me.

ttfn-

C SCHWARTZ

Work Hard! Get Smart!

I had my first Unit Test the past two days. I set up the desks like a lecture hall. They were all facing my teacher desk so that I could sit in my chair and just watch them all. No desk was hidden behind another desk, I could see every single kid.

My first period class, the angels, silently took their test. They followed directions about turing in their test. They all finished their test within the allotted time. Awesome. One kid even said "Miss, I love these seats, it reminds me of college!"

Basically my whole A day (Tuesdays, my fav) went well. A stands for awesome, and A stands for angels. Awesome Angels.

Today, B day, was bad. B stands for bad, and B stands for behavior. Bad Behavior.

Wow, the cheating. I've seen cheating in my many years of being a student, but seeing it as a teacher is just annoying. I'm sitting at the front of the room, I see a kid wondering his eyes around, I stare at him until he notices, he notices that I noticed, and does a little neck roll. AS IF I REALLY BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO ROLL YOUR NECK EVERY 5 MINUTES. KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPER. ugh. Stop cheating, seriously. Little do they know that grades really don't mean anything in middle school. What means something are these silly TAKs tests (standardized test of Texas), and if they cheat on my test, they will get higher scores and then later on fail the TAKs. If they don't cheat, and get low scores, I will tutor them in the areas that they need in order to pass TAKs later. You are cheating yourself.

By my last period I just gave them that speech. Nobody cheated. Ohhh the things I learn as the day goes on.

As I was looking through some of the tests I noticed a strange thing. At the top of the test, the heading.

Name________________

Period________________

Date__________________

Work Hard!______________

Our motto is Work Hard! Get Smart!

So after Work Hard! they were supposed to write Get Smart! A simple task, especially because it's written really big on two different walls. HUGE actually.

These are some of the things I saw in their heading...

Work Hard! OK.

Work Hard! Yes

Work Hard! No

I am sitting at my desk trying to grade papers and I am distracted by the fact that a kid said Work Hard, No. He must be trying to be funny. But, who is he trying to be funny for? This is on a test, no one else should be seeing this except for the kid and me. I don't understand. Funny? Maybe. I laughed, well gawked I guess. So today, I tracked him down, and said "we need to talk." I said "what's our motto?" he said "Work Hard. Get Smart." I asked, "So why did you write Work Hard. No." At this point there is absolutely no eye contact being made. He is staring at the ground, and he knows he's in trouble. He shrugged. So, I asked, "Did you think it was funny?" He smirked. I stared. He finally looked at me, then looked away quickly again. I asked, "Was it worth being a smart aleck? He shook his head. I asked, "What are you going to write next time you see Work Hard. _______?" He said, "Get Smart." I said, "Okay."

Well, that went well. I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to confront kids like that, but it made me so mad that he actually put No. No, I do not want to work hard. The thing is, he doesn't work hard. While everyone is reading their reading packet, he's staring at his pencil. Why? I don't get it. Everyone is reading, why aren't you reading? Frustration. Pure, frustration. The thought comes to me that maybe he can't read.

I have to figure out how to get this kid to really believe that if he works hard, he will get smart. Tis the goal. If this means I have to somehow teach him how to read first, I will. I don't know how, but I will. After all, this would not be the hardest task on my lists of things to do, I also have to teach two kids who just moved to the U.S. how to speak English. Maybe on my list of things to do, this should come after me learning how to speak Spanish, maybe.

Later-

Miss Miss.

(Never in my life did I think I would actually respond to someone saying Miss, Miss)

wednesday night lights, minus the lights.

"Coach- i'm not frustrated, i'm pissed off."


This followed the statement... "Ian, don't get frustrated, you're doing great out there."
You think college football refs are flawed... try middle school.

We lost 20-0. Tough game. Lots of missed calls, refs not knowing the rules, not knowing what down it was, and injuries. One of our o-line guys got taken to the hospital in an ambulance because of a face mask and then shot to the back of the head...things were really getting out of hand. Blocks in the back, left and right, catches called no good. We were getting beaten up physically and mentally.

It was frustrating. It was a very emotional game, and these kids gave it there all. We definitely have potential and I'm really excited to see these kids grow.


Night.
-Coach

here are some more pics...Our Welcoming

Walking to the locker room

My Team

Crazy bunch of kids!

"Everybody ready? You know it. Everybody ready? You know it. Exercise."

Center and QB workin together.


Whose Father? Our Father.
Coach Garcia layin down the law.

Raw emotion.
Wednesday night, middle school football. Go big or go home.

My first open house.

No, we have not had an open house at our apartment yet. We are still working on moving in 3 months later....

Open House refers to the night where parents come to the school mostly to find out if their son/daughter is passing. Our open house was from 6-8pm on Thursday night. What a long day. I got to school at 7:15am, had school until 3:55pm, football from 4-6, and then changed and rushed to the Auditorium. We then moved the 6th parents into the cafeteria to give them our little shpeel and introduce the teachers. We were expecting a few rows of parents, but they ended up filling the whole place. This was exciting. Our expectation as teachers in this area was that only a few parents would come to this open house, whether it was because they had other children at different schools, they were at work, or, sadly, because they didn't care. The presentation was a little shaky, and I was facing some mad anxiety due to the fact that most people were talking over the speaker. Our attempts to shush the hundreds of people were cruelly shut down, mostly because the speaker was speaking English, and the majority of the parents only spoke Spanish. Let's face it, if someone was talking at a big group of people in German and you had no idea what they were saying, you'd get bored and start talking to your family and friends too.

So, after the presentation, the parents were told they could go around to the classrooms of their students and talk to the teachers. I ran up to my room at waited for eager parents who just wanted to know "how is she doing." For many of the starry eyed little girls who accompanied their mothers, I opened with "well this one is a trouble maker, nahhh I'm just kidding." They all seemed to enjoy the joke, and pretty much knew that their daughters were angels. For others I told the parents that their kids were talkers, and they all seemed to confirm this fact. The only word I can think of to describe these encounters would be awkward. They were hanging on my every word, I was waiting for them to laugh or smile, and I pretty much just wanted it to be over so I could go home and go to bed. It was, however, nice to see the faces of the people who claimed my munchkins. Many parents spoke English, and encouraged me to call them whenever necessary. Some spoke no English and had a translator in tow (usually their son or daughter). I was getting a little tired of telling parents the same positive things over and over again, and then I realized that the parents of my trouble-makers were no where to be seen. I had about 3 seconds to think about that, and then in walked Jessica and her parents...

No more than 5 hours before, Jessica had received her first detention ever. My A4 class had been giving me a lot of trouble, so I halted instruction and said, "Okay, we are going to have 5 minutes of complete silence in order for you all to collect your thoughts and think about how the rest of class is going to change. The only stipulation is that if you speak, you will automatically receive a detention." I then checked for understanding where the student said, "If you talk, you get a detention." Very good, exactly, plain and simple. Go. 3 minutes and 12 seconds passed before Jessica raised her hand, I looked at her with wide angry eyes, and shook my head no. She then blurted out "Can I...?" I interrupted her immediately and said, "We are not talking." I then visibly pulled out a detention slip and started furiously scribbling in her information. She was devastated. Everyone looked around in disbelief. Did she really just talk? All she had to do was wait 2 more minutes. But no. Now I was writing a detention for a girl who had always been praised by every single teacher. Unfortunately, I could not take back my threat, and went along with it. Policy is to give a copy of the detention slip to the Assistant Principal who happens to have an office right across the hall. He was walking by, so I popped my head out and gave him the slip. He asked me what happened and I told him everything. He came into my classroom and proceed to give a speech to my kids about respecting me, and how they were hear to learn, don't waste time, and all of that. A known school trouble maker was sitting at the desk right under his nose. The AP put his hand on his desk and said how is Leo doing? I replied, "He's doing great." Leo looked up. The AP asked, "He's not giving you trouble?" I replied, "No, he's been awesome today." Now, not only was Leo looking up, but his eyes opened wide as if he had never heard these words uttered in his life. In a harsh moment, this look made my heart melt. The AP then said he needed to speak with the holder of the detention. He looked at the slip and said, "Jessica?" She raised her hand slightly and nodded at him. He quickly questioned the fact that this was the person who was receiving the detention, "You?" She nodded again, and he motioned for her to come with him. I continued instruction until Jessica came back in, tears streaming down her face. She walked right up to me and said, "I'm sorry Ms. Schwartz, it will never happen again." I said "thank you," and continued with the lesson. I tried to act as if I was not phased, but this had definitely affected me.

When she and her parents walked into my room that night, I was ready for the conversation. I proceeded to tell them that she is a very bright girl who is plagued by chatting. All she does is talk. I played the card that she was very social, and they got the gist of what I was saying. The parents seemed very pleased with what I was saying and the mother even told me to keep an eye on her and that if anything else happened that I should not hesitate to call. Phew. Crisis averted.

Not soon afterward, Tiffany entered my room with her very young mother. Tiffany is my favorite student. She's cool, she's calm, she's collected. She works hard and plays hard, and at the end of the day she comes to me to tell me all about it. She asks questions. She helps others. She is the perfect student. Except, she is also very social. She likes when people laugh at her jokes, she loves the camera. She loves sports and dancing, and is really involved in after school activities. Her scores are average, but I know she can succeed. She wants to succeed, and I want to help her. She is, however, constantly late to my class. She talks out of turn to get the laughs, and she eggs the trouble makers on to get more laughs. Again, I want to help her. Her mother was also a talker, she talked my ear off about what Tiff needs to do differently in my class. I really appreciated her concern, and this just made me love Tiffany even more.

The rest of the open house dragged on after that. I was relieved to hear the announcement from our principal that it was time to leave. I did a little grading, and then packed up my things. I went door to door to see if anyone was leaving so I could walk out with them. Unfortunately, everyone had left. I had never left the building after dark, and this was the first time I was actually frightened of the area. Every noise startled me. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, and did a little shuffle to my car. I quickly locked the doors and sighed heavily. I then though about the fact that I felt unsafe. It saddened me, but it was a reality.


Time for bed.

Care

Kids say the darndest things...

"Miss, Miss... you're my second favorite teacher."

Beauty

I drive to work every morning between 6:30-7:30, depending on how much work I need to do at school. Each morning, the clouds are different patterns, the sun is a different color, the sky is a different blue, there are more/less cars on the road. A lot of this has to do with science, well all of it if you consider traffic a science.


These 15-28 minutes I spend in the car each morning are the calm before the storm. I never know exactly what awaits me, but I'm pretty sure that it is stormier than my peaceful drive. Everyday I wonder. Everyday I hope. Some days I pray. Is today going to be good? Please let it be good.


Then I go through the day, and sometimes it's a joy, and other times it's painful. But either way, I got through that day, and there's always tomorrow. I can't dwell on my failures if that is exactly what I am telling my kids not to do.



I have to tell them about that light at the end of the tunnel. Or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And, believe it or not, I am reminded to do this everyday on my drive to work by the sky. These are all pictures I took on my way to school. I have actually scene the sky in these states. It is absolutely beautiful and not only does it make me smile, but it makes me think that there is a great possibility that I could have a good day. I believe that I would not be witnessing the sun at this very moment where the clouds are fluttering over, at this very specific moment if it was not meant to affect me. If I had left for work at any other time I would not have seen these beautiful horizons. But I did leave at that specific time on that specific day and for that I was blessed by seeing those images, that will forever be ingrained in my head, on the days where I saw beauty on my drive to school, and then had a very successful day teaching. This theory has been tested in other ways as well. Because many may be aware of how often it rains in Houston. Not just rains, pours. Dark skies, sometimes green, and although beautiful, ominous, loud, and overall depressing- sometimes that's exactly how my day feels.


So to relate it to my science lesson today about the Scientific Method...

My hypothesis is: If the sky is pretty on her drive to work, then she will have a good day.

We can test this hypothesis by collecting data about days with pretty skies and days with depressing skies and seeing how my mood is for those days.

That last part just drained me. I'm going to have to call it a night. Hope that wasn't too much rambling.

Caro

football ANTecdote

So, I'm at football practice, and I'm still a little uneasy about this whole manly man, football thing. Ha. I never thought I would say that. But being at a football practice is much different than being a fan. Any man or boy would probably tell you that, but now I know. It is different. It's a behind the scenes look that, as much as I'm loving it, is still uncomfortable at times. I am a girl. Yes. True statement. Girls can't play football. False. I know I have to prove it to them but I am doing it little by little. We were doing dline drills where they were supposed to push us (the coaches) back. They were going easy on me, and I knew it. One kid finally went hard and another kid actually yelled out, "Go easy on her, she's a girl!" I quickly ran back and yelled "if you go easy on me in these drills, how are you going to be able to go hard in games? Do it right. Give me 10." They seemed affected and the next kid actually tried, maybe because he didn't want to do push up, but I knocked him on his butt. He was basically a sacrifice. I didn't want to knock any of them over but I had to show them that they couldn't, shouldn't, go easy on me. Hopefully it worked. The fact that they now know I can give push-ups out is really helping my cause, I almost wish I could do that in class ;)

Anyway, my story... so we were doing a drill trying to teach them to go on 1, 2, or 3 and I was snapping the ball. All of a sudden I got really itchy. I looked down and there were ants all over my foot and ankle, crawling up my leg. In the most non-girly way possible I yelled, "why are there ants all over me?!?" In which I received the non-chalant response, "Coach, you're snapping on top of an ant hill." Of course, that makes perfect sense, and I was. I was standing on an ant hill, continuously snapping the ball and launching ants onto myself. Perfect. At least they didn't make fun of me.

I crave respect. So I will get it.... eventually.

Schwartz

Awesomeness and Tuesdays are synonomous

I love Tuesdays.

In the race for the most awesomeness day of the week, there are clear front runners and clear losers. I've always liked Thursday because you're so close to Friday, but obviously Friday is awesome because it's basically the weekend. Saturday is pretty cool, but you're getting a little too close to Monday, and Sunday is bittersweet because, yeah still the weekend, but all you can think about is how the next day is Monday. You could make an argument for Wednesday being a positive day, because it's Hump Day, and then, of course, Monday is not even in the running. Then there's Tuesday. Sometimes lost in the crowd of days of the week, Tuesday just kind of hangs out, right after Monday and right before Wednesday, still considered the beginning of the week. The slower of the days if you will. But I love Tuesday. It's never going to beat Friday or Saturday, but it's for sure winning the bronze medal. At least this week.

Tuesdays are my A block days. The good kids, if you will. These kids are not talking when I'm talking. They are independently working when they are supposed to be independently working, discussing when they are supposed to be discussing, overall, they are readily participating and excited to learn. Although these may sound like simple tasks, not all of my students have been up to par. But, on Tuesdays, I expect to see this, and I am usually satisfied with the results. The days when the students are excited to learn are the days when I am excited to teach. Again, sounds simple, right? Right. It really is, it is that simple. I smile more on Tuesdays, I laugh more, I joke around more, I teach more. Truth is, they also learn more. It would be easy to say that these are all my GT (gifted/talented) kids, but they're not. They are kids who know that it is disrespectful to talk when someone else is talking, especially when it's a teacher. So, I have come to the simple conclusion that this is exactly what I have to teach my B block kids. It's possible, I know it is, and I truly believe that they will learn more if this is done.

Following the rules/directions is directly correlated to learning more. How do I get this across to them though. It's really become a guessing game. I'm trying certain things with one period, and other things with the next. Across classes, my consistency is non- existent, I have none. We'll just call that differentiated teaching for now though. I have to look at it as if these are skills they need to be successful in life. After all, they are. The frustration that comes over me when I am giving directions and a child interrupts me to ask what he is supposed to do, while I am literally telling him what he needs to do, actually pains me. All I want to say is "If you did not interrupt me you would know by now" but I have to go about it much differently. "There is no talking when I am talking." Place a yellow warning card on desk. Start instructions over. I can't wait until someone videotapes me so I can count just how many times I have to give each direction. Sometimes, I would put money on the fact that I repeated the same direction at least 14 times. Today, I gave a direction to 1. Close your notebook 2. Put it under your desk. Some kids got it on the first try, some got it on the second, a few on the third, the rest on the forth. Except one boy. He was just not paying attention. Spaced out. Own world. I don't know. So, I said it a fifth time, a sixth time, louder, a seventh time. By now all of the kids were looking at him. Finally, the kid sitting next to him nudged him and said "dude, come on" His response, "whaaaat?" At this point, I repeated the directions for an 8th time. Still nothing. A ninth time, now he's looking around. He then looks at me. I look him dead in the eyes and repeat the directions for the 9th time. Then he looks at his notebook. Then at me again, almost for approval. "Yes, close it close it, oh my dear lord please close your notebook" is the look that I gave him. He closes it, and looks at me for approval again. I make a gesture that somehow described the action of putting it under his desk, and then it was done. The general feeling in the room was relief. Except for this one kid, who really did not understand that we just waited for him. So, I went into my speech about following directions the first time. Opening my eyes when I looked at him, and he mouthed "sorry" to me. It's something, I'll take it and run with it. But the fact is, this does not happen on Tuesdays. The frustration is not there. The tension in the room is undetectable. It is a different atmosphere that needs to be in all of my classes, not only for all of the kids' learning, but for my sanity. I'm on this roller coaster ride, where one day I'm high on teaching, and the next day I wonder if I'm cut out for this. Then the next day comes and I remember why I'm doing this, and the day after that I can't wait for them to leave. I'm high, I'm low, up and down, it's stressful to say the least. Add to that the lack of sleep and all my other responsibilities as a TFAer, and I am beat. Just absolutely downright beat. I thought finals week in college was hard, I welcome myself to my new life.

But, at least I can look forward to Tuesdays.

6 more days...

Caro

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose

I am truly experiencing Texas. All of it.

One of my favorite shows on television is Friday Night Lights. It follows the lives of many people in the town of Dillon, Texas, specifically the Football Team, the Dillon Panthers. This show is straight up Texas football, and I thought it was really exaggerated, until today.

Today was my first day coaching 7th and 8th grade boys football. Along with 4 other, male, coaches, we introduced ourselves. When Coach Rogers got to me, I got cat calls. He reamed them out with a pretty straight face and then continued to completely crack up, and then so did all of the boys. Coach Freidrich silenced them fast by saying, "Yeah, you'll be laughing when she knocks you on your ass." A hush fell over the crowed. Half of them call me coach, half of me call me Mam, I'm definitely more used to the coach title, but I could get used to Mam. After all, I believe it to be the equivalent of Sir, they call all the other coaches sir, so Mam is appropriate. Later, we got the players their practice jerseys, pads, cleats, and mouth guards, ran 'em, talked plays, and ran 'em some more. (I am happy to say that I am the proud owner of a new pair of Nike football cleats.) Practice was winding down so Coach Rogers huddled them up and we all said the Lord's Prayer, followed by Go Hornets! It's different down here, that's for sure. I'm excited, this is going to be really fun.

School today was pretty good. It was a fast day, so I saw all of my kids, but only for 40 minutes. In some classes we did some lab safety vocab, and in some we did the syllabus quiz. I'm crackin down on behavior problems, it's just not going to fly. They're starting to realize it, but I really wish the detThe schedules are starting to be finalized, but I'm still getting random kids in all my classes. "Miss, I'm new!" Is getting old. Can't wait to get those final rosters!

Tomorrow is diagnostic testing. Our department head gave the other 6th grade science teacher all of the answer sheets for the whole 6th grade. So, not only do we have to separate them by teacher, but then once we do that we have to separate them by all 6 periods. Kind of ridiculous.

That's all for now, lots of work to do :)

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Coach

Jerk?

Not too high, not too low, soft and smooth.

Today I gave my first quiz. Some would call it a pop quiz, considering I failed to mention it to my students the class before. I claimed that it was not. Whether or not they believe this claim is up in the air. I gave the speech... I'm not trying to punish you, I'm not out to get you, I just want to make sure you understand the content and whatever you don't understand I am here to help you with. I am by no means saying my speech was untrue, but I don't know if I would have believed a word of this when I was in 6th grade and my teacher gave me a quiz on the 3rd day of class. Jerk. Now I'm that jerk. I'm the teacher that gives homework over the weekend too. Jerk. The difference is, these kids want homework. Can you believe that? They actually ask for it. They are used to teachers who don't care. The teachers who would rather not grade their homework, so they would just never give it to them. The difference is, I do care. I will grade it. I want to grade it. No matter how laborious it is (ha, my new favorite word). Not only will I grade it, I will leave comments. I will ask questions. They need to know I'm invested in them so they, in turn, will be invested in school. More specifically science.

Year after year kids struggle in science. Or at least that's what the state test, the TAKs is telling us. This system is flawed though. The kids don't take the science TAKs every year. They take it in 5th grade and then again in 8th grade. So, that 8th grade test has 6th, 7th, and 8th grade material on it. Not only that, but the kids have trouble reading and that then affects their scores, obviously. A student could understand almost every lesson a teacher gives for 3 years but still fail the Science Taks because they can't read. I shouldn't get into venting about this because I could go on forever... seriously, forever.

Anyway... today was a good day. They listened, they walked in straight lines, they followed procedures, good day. Some received a warning (a yellow card) but after that they got it together. At the end of each class I had them do an exit ticket. I asked them to put their name and period on a notecard. Then I asked them to write 2 things on it. I prefaced this by saying... "I am not going to get mad at you for writing anything on this. I'm not going to like you more or like you less because of something you write. Okay?" Okay. "I need you to write 1 thing that you like about the way I teach, or one thing that I have done in class that you really like. Then I need you to write one thing that you don't like or you think I should change or improve." They did this pretty willingly. Of the 55 kids I had today (tomorrow I have 86) there were a few answers that stuck out... Deisy wrote: 1)I like how she respects all the students. 2) I like that she asks me for help when she needs it 3) I like how she says she wants us to learn.

She didn't follow the directions at all but it still made me smile. Jocelyn did though, she said... "I like the tone of her voice. Not too high, not too soft, soft and smooth :) I think she should give us candy for having the right answers :)" Smiley faces included.

Surprisingly, there were no complaints about the quiz and no complaints about homework. A few said they don't like how I don't let them go to the bathroom. This is understandable, but no one has peed their pants yet. I did let a girl go today. I looked her in the eyes and asked if it was an emergency. She nodded intensely. She was back 2 minutes later. My thing about the bathroom is that you let them go whenever and they roam the halls or don't come back. She came right back. I truly believed that it was an emergency, I trusted her, and she proved to me that I should trust her.

A few minutes later a gentleman, Noe, asked "may I please use the restroom Miss?" It took all of me to look past his immense politeness and stick to my policy. "Is it an emergency?" "Ummm..." "There are only 20 minutes left in class, and if you go you are using your 1 emergency pass for the whole semester." "Ummmm... I can wait, thank you Miss." Five minutes later another student asked if he could go to the bathroom. Noe called out, "Is it an emergency because you only get one emergency!" They are beginning to get all the policies. Some they understand, some they don't, but for the most part they get that it is for their benefit. THEY ARE TOO SMART TO WASTE TODAY! That is the last line of my class pledge. I have videos of it but I believe that I am not allowed to put it online, so I am in the process of ripping the audio!

There were so many good moments today, and hopefully there will be more tomorrow too.

Until then... Hasta Luego

Carolina

Lost but not Forgotten.

Today I lost my purse at school. My life was in there. Phone, License, Credit, Debit, Car Keys, Apt Key. Life. I went back to the attendance office, and Ms. Fierro said that she saw it on the counter and she thought Ms. Leriche or Ms. Shearer grabbed it for me. I tracked them down, and neither of them had seen it. My principal was scouring the school for me. Our secretary made an announcement over the loud speaker. Teachers I did not know were looking for my purse, my life. Everyone was saying a kid must have took it. I did not want to believe that. Not my kids, they wouldn't.

Trying not to break down I thought about what I was going to need to do. Call my dad? Book a flight home? What were my options here? I had no clue. I was so tired, my mind was spiraling. I remembered another teacher who was in the attendance office and ran to his room. The thought, "I really hope it is not sitting on my desk," flashed in my head. He did not have it. My brain was beginning to wake up and I remembered that I had gone to the teachers' lounge. I remembered that I had looked in a cabinet for a spoon. Checked the cabinet, no purse. I sat there for a second holding back tears. My lunch! I put my lunch away. I checked my lunch bag but it wasn't in there. When I went to go put my lunch back in the fridge, I saw something that didn't belong. My purse. There it was just chillin' (pun definitely intended). My mind jumped back to that thought I had before, "I really hope it is not sitting on my desk," that thought sounded very good at this point, because now I had to basically tell the entire school, faculty and staff, that not only did I, Ms. Schwartz, put my purse in the refrigerator, but I had a minor mental breakdown over it, minor.

I started sulking back to the office, purse in hand, and everyone I saw on my way asked, excitedly, "where was it?!" "In the teachers' lounge" was my cunning reply. But when I got to the office, with a sheepish grin plastered across my face, my principal laughed and asked "What! where was it?" I looked around, looked back at my purse, looked at the floor, and said, "In the Refrigerator." An awkward silence followed. My belief is that Ms. Cavasos (the secretary) and Mr. Alvarez (the principal) were thinking to themselves, "I'm going to try to hold back this burning laughter in order to save this poor girl some dignity." But that all changed when I broke out into somewhat of a chuckle, which may or may not have been coupled with an urge to break out crying as well. They glanced at each other with straight faces, and then they joined me in the hysterics. I am ridiculous. As I cried out "I am sooooo tiiiiireeeddddd," Mr. Alvarez said, "it happens to the best of us." I knew what he meant but all I could think was, "really, you've put your purse in the fridge too?!"

That was just the beginning of my day. The rest of the day was O.K. I was teaching the same thing I did yesterday, so little planning was needed last night. Everything went well yesterday, so when I had trouble today I was stunned. I was frustrated. They wouldn't stop talking. I made kids stand up for the rest of class because they were talking when I was talking. It was a small reminder of my summer school class, and that scares me. It must stop. It will tear me apart if I let it continue. Tomorrow we're moving on the Classroom jobs, and we're also taking a syllabus quiz. So we will see how that goes.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

Caroline-The Fridge-Schwartz

my little miracle

I am exhausted.

Today was awesome but I could feel myself getting more tired every second I was teaching. By 3rd period I knew exactly what I was going to say, but it took so much more effort to do so. I'm struggling just to type this out right now, but I have so much to say!

The most amazing, profound moment of my day was in the middle of 3rd period when I was going through the procedures. One of which is that they may sharpen their pencils only in the first 5 minutes of class so they will not be getting up and sharpening while I am teaching, or students are doing work. I told them that 5 minutes would be more than enough time to sharpen their pencils because I have a magic sharpener. Some kids cocked their heads, some snickered, and some rolled their eyes. I continued to walk to the back of the room with a pencil. All of their little eyes followed me all the way there. I held the pencil in the air and without saying a word I stabbed it into the blackboard causing the top of it to completely shatter. Some kids jumped out of their seats, some of their jaws dropped to the floor, and again I didn't say a word. I held the splintered pencil up and swiftly inserted it into my magic sharpener without looking, instead I washed their faces, as their eyes opened wide. After what I believed to be 1 second, I said a little prayer (please be sharpened) and whipped the pencil out of the sharpener. I didn't even have to look at it to know that it was as sharp as a needle. Some kids clapped, some just gasped, but if they didn't believe me before, they had now witnessed a small miracle.

I'm looking forward to the days where these little miracles open their eyes just a little bit wider than normal. I'm looking forward to those AH-HA moments where they experience something they've never experienced before. As tired as I am I cannot sleep because all of these thoughts keep running through my head. I close my eyes and can't stop thinking about Ivette and how she told me she loves to sing and dance but she has stage fright. I can't stop thinking about Victor, and how he asked me what he should write where I asked for Parent(s) name, because his mother died. I think about everything I want to do for these kids, tomorrow, next week, in general, and I can't sleep a wink. I try to concentrate on my breathing saying in and out in my head, but underneath that, my subconscious still has so much to say. Someone wise once told me the achievement gap does not sleep. At the time I laughed and thought it was a silly thing to say, but I truly see it now. I live it now. Tomorrow is another day, and until then, I will try oh so desperately to get some sleep, so I can be well rested for another batch of kids.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

Today I....

Ate lunch.

Did not run in the halls, I walked swiftly.

Enforced the rules and policies.

Learned a lot of the A-block names.

Smiled.

:)

All my best,

Care

My first official day as Ms. S

Today I...

Met a bunch of scared 6th graders.

Tried not to smile the whole day.

Mispronounced my own last name.

Didn't eat lunch.

Ran in the halls.

Failed at not smiling the whole day.

Did a little victory dance once all the students left.

Wow, what a day. I'm tired, anxious, excited, still scared (not terrified anymore), did I mention tired? My feet ache more than they did after hell week of field hockey my freshman year. I'm kind of dizzy from the lack of food but at the same time kind of nauseous because once I did get home I ate my weight in pasta, and had a bean and cheese burrito; Texas grocery store style.

The day was quite hectic though. The bell schedule was sporadic. The kids' schedules were all messed up. My projector still isn't working. And oh yeah, I sent a letter home to the parents of my first three periods that had my friend/co-worker's name on it. Nice, real nice. I edited that a million times, and yet it says Bienvenido a la clase de ciencias de Miss Schwartz... blah blah mucho gusto, me llamo tara lane. They are either going to be confused, think I'm an idiot, or a little bit of both, I hope it's the prior.

One day down, and a ton more to go. I can't let up. I won't let up. It is my sincere promise to give these kids all I've got, and then some. I've got a lot to learn (especially when it comes to this whole science thing), but I'm ready for it.

Tomorrow I will...

Welcome back half of those scared 6th graders.

Not let those scared 6th graders get comfortable just yet.

Try not to smile.

Not have to say my last name, hopefully.

Enforce rules and policies.

Eat lunch.

Speed walk in the hallways.

Learn all of the A-block names.

Probably fail at that whole trying not to smile thing.

Sinceramente,

Miss Carolina Schwartz

One word that describes your feelings toward the first day of school...

We went around in a circle with my PD group (program director) and everyone shared. The majority used the word that they were subconsciously encouraged to use... excited. Not me. Sure, I'm excited about the first day, but the prompt was "The ONE word that describes your feelings towards the first day of school." Ladies and gentlemen, drum roll please............. terrified. I am completely and utterly terrified. Still, this is not to say I'm not excited, and I'm also very anxious to meet my kids (all 200 of them), but most of all I am terrified, of what lies ahead. However, I know, I cannot let them get the best of me. After all, they're just kids.

I think that my experience in summer school is what frightens me the most, but I learned so much from that experience, that I can only hope it will be better. The most terrifying part to me is the 6 groups of kids I'm going to have. Before I had one group of 24-27ish. They terrorized me. They were relentless in their pursuit of bringing misery to me, every single day. One group of kids. I have six now. Six classes of 28-32. The chances that all of my classes will want to terrorize me is slim to none, but everyone always has a "bad class." They might not even be that bad, but in comparison to all your other classes, they are the bad class. The one you tend to dread going to. Now, I'm hoping that my "bad class" is not my second period. Why you ask? Because their class team is the University of Illinois. I already favor these kids, and I don't even know their names. I first noticed the bias when I was making the drawings for my hornet bowl wall. Obviously I wanted them all to be perfect, but the big orange I had to be pristine. After I laminated them and was cutting them out, I chopped out MSU and Wisconsin, and was a lot more careful with the U of I. Everyone always says that first step is admitting you have a problem. So, I've recognized this issue, and must take action. However, I also don't want to go too far in the other direction and end up being way too hard on the Illini. We'll see, I'll have to keep everyone updated on my "bad class."

I will be the first one to admit that I did not read enough my entire life (my dad will be the second one to admit it, unless he beats me to it.) So, my vocabulary has always been lacking. One thing I have definitely noticed here, is my vocabulary rapidly expanding. I'm pretty sure it's mostly due to the fact that I am surrounded by such intellectual people who use big words in normal conversation. "The thought of that is daunting," was my go-to phrase all throughout institute. Sometimes I think it makes one sound pretentious. Like, look at me I know big words and when I'm talking to you about lesson planning I'm confusing the hell out of you because you can't keep up with the thesaurus built into my brain. Cool man, cool. Someone actually said to me, "I was up so late last night, those lesson plans are so laborious." Allright, it was hard work, and the use of that word was uneccessary. First of all, I don't even know if you used laborious in the sentence correctly. Second of all, I am so tired and my brain hurts, please do not make me strain to figure out what you are talking about. You are being so ostentatious. The word ostentatious and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to hate it. It is such an awesome word but whenever someone uses it, they sound ostentatious. One could make a serious argument for the idea that it may be an onomatopoeia. Now, I'm beginning to piss myself off. That or I'm just getting a bit smarter, I'm not sure, either way it's weird.

Sorry for the tangent...

The thought of my first day of school scares the bejesus out of me. I hear horrifying stories that actually petrify me. Some even scare me witless. But, the one that paralyzed me, was the teacher who told me her students drugged her. (sorry I just had to use the synonyms to emphasize just how terrified I am).

They drugged her. What child could have so much distaste is his/her mouth to drug a teacher? The consequences alone should have deterred them from this action. Jail time kid, jail time. The sad fact is, that no one was ever punished. A child got away with drugging their teacher. Now, we can be thankful that it wasn't a poison, or something she was allergic to. It was just a hallucinogen. Ha. When in my life have I ever had the opportunity to say, eh, it was just a hallucinogen? Never.

This has come to my attention many a time, since I have been in Houston. The "...when in my life..." It's all new, I have seen and heard things that I was unaware actually occurred in this world. I have witnessed the wrath of a child scorned. But, this child has been scorned their entire life. They have been warned, they have been "disciplined," they have been "retained," and some even arrested. But year after year, they are thrown back into the systems. Either the public school system, the corrections education program, or jail. I don't know which of these three is worse. These kids don't believe in themselves. How are they supposed to if no one else believes in them either though? They think they're stupid, they think they're bad kids, when really they are so smart, and more than capable of behaving. But, if their teachers, year after year, tell them they're not smart, and that they're not capable of behaving, then why would they try to prove them otherwise? I hope, with all my heart, that I can change this mentality with at least the 200 kids I have in my classes. If I can do that, and all my TFA friends can do that too, we can potentially change the lives of 60,000 kids. In Houston. I know that this is an enormous stretch to say 60,000, especially because some of these kids will have multiple TFA 10s, and we won't be able to change the lives of all of our students, but I am very tired, my math consisted of 200x300, and I'm optimistic.

So, after tomorrow, my terrified vision of tomorrow will be over. Whether or not it comes true is up in the air, but at the end of the day, I'm still helping these kids, one step at a time.

Wish me luck, I need it...

Ms. S