clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose

I am truly experiencing Texas. All of it.

One of my favorite shows on television is Friday Night Lights. It follows the lives of many people in the town of Dillon, Texas, specifically the Football Team, the Dillon Panthers. This show is straight up Texas football, and I thought it was really exaggerated, until today.

Today was my first day coaching 7th and 8th grade boys football. Along with 4 other, male, coaches, we introduced ourselves. When Coach Rogers got to me, I got cat calls. He reamed them out with a pretty straight face and then continued to completely crack up, and then so did all of the boys. Coach Freidrich silenced them fast by saying, "Yeah, you'll be laughing when she knocks you on your ass." A hush fell over the crowed. Half of them call me coach, half of me call me Mam, I'm definitely more used to the coach title, but I could get used to Mam. After all, I believe it to be the equivalent of Sir, they call all the other coaches sir, so Mam is appropriate. Later, we got the players their practice jerseys, pads, cleats, and mouth guards, ran 'em, talked plays, and ran 'em some more. (I am happy to say that I am the proud owner of a new pair of Nike football cleats.) Practice was winding down so Coach Rogers huddled them up and we all said the Lord's Prayer, followed by Go Hornets! It's different down here, that's for sure. I'm excited, this is going to be really fun.

School today was pretty good. It was a fast day, so I saw all of my kids, but only for 40 minutes. In some classes we did some lab safety vocab, and in some we did the syllabus quiz. I'm crackin down on behavior problems, it's just not going to fly. They're starting to realize it, but I really wish the detThe schedules are starting to be finalized, but I'm still getting random kids in all my classes. "Miss, I'm new!" Is getting old. Can't wait to get those final rosters!

Tomorrow is diagnostic testing. Our department head gave the other 6th grade science teacher all of the answer sheets for the whole 6th grade. So, not only do we have to separate them by teacher, but then once we do that we have to separate them by all 6 periods. Kind of ridiculous.

That's all for now, lots of work to do :)

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Coach

Jerk?

Not too high, not too low, soft and smooth.

Today I gave my first quiz. Some would call it a pop quiz, considering I failed to mention it to my students the class before. I claimed that it was not. Whether or not they believe this claim is up in the air. I gave the speech... I'm not trying to punish you, I'm not out to get you, I just want to make sure you understand the content and whatever you don't understand I am here to help you with. I am by no means saying my speech was untrue, but I don't know if I would have believed a word of this when I was in 6th grade and my teacher gave me a quiz on the 3rd day of class. Jerk. Now I'm that jerk. I'm the teacher that gives homework over the weekend too. Jerk. The difference is, these kids want homework. Can you believe that? They actually ask for it. They are used to teachers who don't care. The teachers who would rather not grade their homework, so they would just never give it to them. The difference is, I do care. I will grade it. I want to grade it. No matter how laborious it is (ha, my new favorite word). Not only will I grade it, I will leave comments. I will ask questions. They need to know I'm invested in them so they, in turn, will be invested in school. More specifically science.

Year after year kids struggle in science. Or at least that's what the state test, the TAKs is telling us. This system is flawed though. The kids don't take the science TAKs every year. They take it in 5th grade and then again in 8th grade. So, that 8th grade test has 6th, 7th, and 8th grade material on it. Not only that, but the kids have trouble reading and that then affects their scores, obviously. A student could understand almost every lesson a teacher gives for 3 years but still fail the Science Taks because they can't read. I shouldn't get into venting about this because I could go on forever... seriously, forever.

Anyway... today was a good day. They listened, they walked in straight lines, they followed procedures, good day. Some received a warning (a yellow card) but after that they got it together. At the end of each class I had them do an exit ticket. I asked them to put their name and period on a notecard. Then I asked them to write 2 things on it. I prefaced this by saying... "I am not going to get mad at you for writing anything on this. I'm not going to like you more or like you less because of something you write. Okay?" Okay. "I need you to write 1 thing that you like about the way I teach, or one thing that I have done in class that you really like. Then I need you to write one thing that you don't like or you think I should change or improve." They did this pretty willingly. Of the 55 kids I had today (tomorrow I have 86) there were a few answers that stuck out... Deisy wrote: 1)I like how she respects all the students. 2) I like that she asks me for help when she needs it 3) I like how she says she wants us to learn.

She didn't follow the directions at all but it still made me smile. Jocelyn did though, she said... "I like the tone of her voice. Not too high, not too soft, soft and smooth :) I think she should give us candy for having the right answers :)" Smiley faces included.

Surprisingly, there were no complaints about the quiz and no complaints about homework. A few said they don't like how I don't let them go to the bathroom. This is understandable, but no one has peed their pants yet. I did let a girl go today. I looked her in the eyes and asked if it was an emergency. She nodded intensely. She was back 2 minutes later. My thing about the bathroom is that you let them go whenever and they roam the halls or don't come back. She came right back. I truly believed that it was an emergency, I trusted her, and she proved to me that I should trust her.

A few minutes later a gentleman, Noe, asked "may I please use the restroom Miss?" It took all of me to look past his immense politeness and stick to my policy. "Is it an emergency?" "Ummm..." "There are only 20 minutes left in class, and if you go you are using your 1 emergency pass for the whole semester." "Ummmm... I can wait, thank you Miss." Five minutes later another student asked if he could go to the bathroom. Noe called out, "Is it an emergency because you only get one emergency!" They are beginning to get all the policies. Some they understand, some they don't, but for the most part they get that it is for their benefit. THEY ARE TOO SMART TO WASTE TODAY! That is the last line of my class pledge. I have videos of it but I believe that I am not allowed to put it online, so I am in the process of ripping the audio!

There were so many good moments today, and hopefully there will be more tomorrow too.

Until then... Hasta Luego

Carolina

Lost but not Forgotten.

Today I lost my purse at school. My life was in there. Phone, License, Credit, Debit, Car Keys, Apt Key. Life. I went back to the attendance office, and Ms. Fierro said that she saw it on the counter and she thought Ms. Leriche or Ms. Shearer grabbed it for me. I tracked them down, and neither of them had seen it. My principal was scouring the school for me. Our secretary made an announcement over the loud speaker. Teachers I did not know were looking for my purse, my life. Everyone was saying a kid must have took it. I did not want to believe that. Not my kids, they wouldn't.

Trying not to break down I thought about what I was going to need to do. Call my dad? Book a flight home? What were my options here? I had no clue. I was so tired, my mind was spiraling. I remembered another teacher who was in the attendance office and ran to his room. The thought, "I really hope it is not sitting on my desk," flashed in my head. He did not have it. My brain was beginning to wake up and I remembered that I had gone to the teachers' lounge. I remembered that I had looked in a cabinet for a spoon. Checked the cabinet, no purse. I sat there for a second holding back tears. My lunch! I put my lunch away. I checked my lunch bag but it wasn't in there. When I went to go put my lunch back in the fridge, I saw something that didn't belong. My purse. There it was just chillin' (pun definitely intended). My mind jumped back to that thought I had before, "I really hope it is not sitting on my desk," that thought sounded very good at this point, because now I had to basically tell the entire school, faculty and staff, that not only did I, Ms. Schwartz, put my purse in the refrigerator, but I had a minor mental breakdown over it, minor.

I started sulking back to the office, purse in hand, and everyone I saw on my way asked, excitedly, "where was it?!" "In the teachers' lounge" was my cunning reply. But when I got to the office, with a sheepish grin plastered across my face, my principal laughed and asked "What! where was it?" I looked around, looked back at my purse, looked at the floor, and said, "In the Refrigerator." An awkward silence followed. My belief is that Ms. Cavasos (the secretary) and Mr. Alvarez (the principal) were thinking to themselves, "I'm going to try to hold back this burning laughter in order to save this poor girl some dignity." But that all changed when I broke out into somewhat of a chuckle, which may or may not have been coupled with an urge to break out crying as well. They glanced at each other with straight faces, and then they joined me in the hysterics. I am ridiculous. As I cried out "I am sooooo tiiiiireeeddddd," Mr. Alvarez said, "it happens to the best of us." I knew what he meant but all I could think was, "really, you've put your purse in the fridge too?!"

That was just the beginning of my day. The rest of the day was O.K. I was teaching the same thing I did yesterday, so little planning was needed last night. Everything went well yesterday, so when I had trouble today I was stunned. I was frustrated. They wouldn't stop talking. I made kids stand up for the rest of class because they were talking when I was talking. It was a small reminder of my summer school class, and that scares me. It must stop. It will tear me apart if I let it continue. Tomorrow we're moving on the Classroom jobs, and we're also taking a syllabus quiz. So we will see how that goes.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

Caroline-The Fridge-Schwartz

my little miracle

I am exhausted.

Today was awesome but I could feel myself getting more tired every second I was teaching. By 3rd period I knew exactly what I was going to say, but it took so much more effort to do so. I'm struggling just to type this out right now, but I have so much to say!

The most amazing, profound moment of my day was in the middle of 3rd period when I was going through the procedures. One of which is that they may sharpen their pencils only in the first 5 minutes of class so they will not be getting up and sharpening while I am teaching, or students are doing work. I told them that 5 minutes would be more than enough time to sharpen their pencils because I have a magic sharpener. Some kids cocked their heads, some snickered, and some rolled their eyes. I continued to walk to the back of the room with a pencil. All of their little eyes followed me all the way there. I held the pencil in the air and without saying a word I stabbed it into the blackboard causing the top of it to completely shatter. Some kids jumped out of their seats, some of their jaws dropped to the floor, and again I didn't say a word. I held the splintered pencil up and swiftly inserted it into my magic sharpener without looking, instead I washed their faces, as their eyes opened wide. After what I believed to be 1 second, I said a little prayer (please be sharpened) and whipped the pencil out of the sharpener. I didn't even have to look at it to know that it was as sharp as a needle. Some kids clapped, some just gasped, but if they didn't believe me before, they had now witnessed a small miracle.

I'm looking forward to the days where these little miracles open their eyes just a little bit wider than normal. I'm looking forward to those AH-HA moments where they experience something they've never experienced before. As tired as I am I cannot sleep because all of these thoughts keep running through my head. I close my eyes and can't stop thinking about Ivette and how she told me she loves to sing and dance but she has stage fright. I can't stop thinking about Victor, and how he asked me what he should write where I asked for Parent(s) name, because his mother died. I think about everything I want to do for these kids, tomorrow, next week, in general, and I can't sleep a wink. I try to concentrate on my breathing saying in and out in my head, but underneath that, my subconscious still has so much to say. Someone wise once told me the achievement gap does not sleep. At the time I laughed and thought it was a silly thing to say, but I truly see it now. I live it now. Tomorrow is another day, and until then, I will try oh so desperately to get some sleep, so I can be well rested for another batch of kids.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

Today I....

Ate lunch.

Did not run in the halls, I walked swiftly.

Enforced the rules and policies.

Learned a lot of the A-block names.

Smiled.

:)

All my best,

Care

My first official day as Ms. S

Today I...

Met a bunch of scared 6th graders.

Tried not to smile the whole day.

Mispronounced my own last name.

Didn't eat lunch.

Ran in the halls.

Failed at not smiling the whole day.

Did a little victory dance once all the students left.

Wow, what a day. I'm tired, anxious, excited, still scared (not terrified anymore), did I mention tired? My feet ache more than they did after hell week of field hockey my freshman year. I'm kind of dizzy from the lack of food but at the same time kind of nauseous because once I did get home I ate my weight in pasta, and had a bean and cheese burrito; Texas grocery store style.

The day was quite hectic though. The bell schedule was sporadic. The kids' schedules were all messed up. My projector still isn't working. And oh yeah, I sent a letter home to the parents of my first three periods that had my friend/co-worker's name on it. Nice, real nice. I edited that a million times, and yet it says Bienvenido a la clase de ciencias de Miss Schwartz... blah blah mucho gusto, me llamo tara lane. They are either going to be confused, think I'm an idiot, or a little bit of both, I hope it's the prior.

One day down, and a ton more to go. I can't let up. I won't let up. It is my sincere promise to give these kids all I've got, and then some. I've got a lot to learn (especially when it comes to this whole science thing), but I'm ready for it.

Tomorrow I will...

Welcome back half of those scared 6th graders.

Not let those scared 6th graders get comfortable just yet.

Try not to smile.

Not have to say my last name, hopefully.

Enforce rules and policies.

Eat lunch.

Speed walk in the hallways.

Learn all of the A-block names.

Probably fail at that whole trying not to smile thing.

Sinceramente,

Miss Carolina Schwartz

One word that describes your feelings toward the first day of school...

We went around in a circle with my PD group (program director) and everyone shared. The majority used the word that they were subconsciously encouraged to use... excited. Not me. Sure, I'm excited about the first day, but the prompt was "The ONE word that describes your feelings towards the first day of school." Ladies and gentlemen, drum roll please............. terrified. I am completely and utterly terrified. Still, this is not to say I'm not excited, and I'm also very anxious to meet my kids (all 200 of them), but most of all I am terrified, of what lies ahead. However, I know, I cannot let them get the best of me. After all, they're just kids.

I think that my experience in summer school is what frightens me the most, but I learned so much from that experience, that I can only hope it will be better. The most terrifying part to me is the 6 groups of kids I'm going to have. Before I had one group of 24-27ish. They terrorized me. They were relentless in their pursuit of bringing misery to me, every single day. One group of kids. I have six now. Six classes of 28-32. The chances that all of my classes will want to terrorize me is slim to none, but everyone always has a "bad class." They might not even be that bad, but in comparison to all your other classes, they are the bad class. The one you tend to dread going to. Now, I'm hoping that my "bad class" is not my second period. Why you ask? Because their class team is the University of Illinois. I already favor these kids, and I don't even know their names. I first noticed the bias when I was making the drawings for my hornet bowl wall. Obviously I wanted them all to be perfect, but the big orange I had to be pristine. After I laminated them and was cutting them out, I chopped out MSU and Wisconsin, and was a lot more careful with the U of I. Everyone always says that first step is admitting you have a problem. So, I've recognized this issue, and must take action. However, I also don't want to go too far in the other direction and end up being way too hard on the Illini. We'll see, I'll have to keep everyone updated on my "bad class."

I will be the first one to admit that I did not read enough my entire life (my dad will be the second one to admit it, unless he beats me to it.) So, my vocabulary has always been lacking. One thing I have definitely noticed here, is my vocabulary rapidly expanding. I'm pretty sure it's mostly due to the fact that I am surrounded by such intellectual people who use big words in normal conversation. "The thought of that is daunting," was my go-to phrase all throughout institute. Sometimes I think it makes one sound pretentious. Like, look at me I know big words and when I'm talking to you about lesson planning I'm confusing the hell out of you because you can't keep up with the thesaurus built into my brain. Cool man, cool. Someone actually said to me, "I was up so late last night, those lesson plans are so laborious." Allright, it was hard work, and the use of that word was uneccessary. First of all, I don't even know if you used laborious in the sentence correctly. Second of all, I am so tired and my brain hurts, please do not make me strain to figure out what you are talking about. You are being so ostentatious. The word ostentatious and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to hate it. It is such an awesome word but whenever someone uses it, they sound ostentatious. One could make a serious argument for the idea that it may be an onomatopoeia. Now, I'm beginning to piss myself off. That or I'm just getting a bit smarter, I'm not sure, either way it's weird.

Sorry for the tangent...

The thought of my first day of school scares the bejesus out of me. I hear horrifying stories that actually petrify me. Some even scare me witless. But, the one that paralyzed me, was the teacher who told me her students drugged her. (sorry I just had to use the synonyms to emphasize just how terrified I am).

They drugged her. What child could have so much distaste is his/her mouth to drug a teacher? The consequences alone should have deterred them from this action. Jail time kid, jail time. The sad fact is, that no one was ever punished. A child got away with drugging their teacher. Now, we can be thankful that it wasn't a poison, or something she was allergic to. It was just a hallucinogen. Ha. When in my life have I ever had the opportunity to say, eh, it was just a hallucinogen? Never.

This has come to my attention many a time, since I have been in Houston. The "...when in my life..." It's all new, I have seen and heard things that I was unaware actually occurred in this world. I have witnessed the wrath of a child scorned. But, this child has been scorned their entire life. They have been warned, they have been "disciplined," they have been "retained," and some even arrested. But year after year, they are thrown back into the systems. Either the public school system, the corrections education program, or jail. I don't know which of these three is worse. These kids don't believe in themselves. How are they supposed to if no one else believes in them either though? They think they're stupid, they think they're bad kids, when really they are so smart, and more than capable of behaving. But, if their teachers, year after year, tell them they're not smart, and that they're not capable of behaving, then why would they try to prove them otherwise? I hope, with all my heart, that I can change this mentality with at least the 200 kids I have in my classes. If I can do that, and all my TFA friends can do that too, we can potentially change the lives of 60,000 kids. In Houston. I know that this is an enormous stretch to say 60,000, especially because some of these kids will have multiple TFA 10s, and we won't be able to change the lives of all of our students, but I am very tired, my math consisted of 200x300, and I'm optimistic.

So, after tomorrow, my terrified vision of tomorrow will be over. Whether or not it comes true is up in the air, but at the end of the day, I'm still helping these kids, one step at a time.

Wish me luck, I need it...

Ms. S

My first big realization...

I'm aging.

I feel older. Maybe it's because I'm a "real person" now; living on my own, further away from my family than I've ever been for a prolonged period of time (within the U.S.). Maybe it's because I have my own bills. Maybe it's because I have a career. Maybe it's because I'm not in college anymore.

I think it's a combination of all of that. But the moment I truly realized I was aging was at target last week. It started as a regular trip to target, I needed some sunscreen and some face wash. I was in the lotion aisle when I started looking at all the anti-aging creams. I was comparing prices between brands, looking at $/oz, the sales, anti-wrinkle vs. anti- aging. I realized I was in the market to buy age defying lotion. Nooooooo! I'm 22 years old and I'm worrying about wrinkles! It has to start sometime, I guess. I think the abnormal amount of stress I've been suffering through has aged me quite a bit. I always look tired... which is probably due to the fact that I am, well, tired. I think it's safe to say you look older when you have bags under your eyes. I've grown up more, here, in Texas, in the last 2 months, than I ever have in my life. But, this growing up has not only made me feel more mature, it's made me feel old. I'm not a college kid anymore. I'm a college grad. I'm a working woman no less. I am a woman, who puts on anti-aging cream every morning before she goes to work. I'm getting older, every day. Hard to believe, I know.

I've been alive for 8,216 days. That's a whole lotta days.

-care

My perfectionist-self must go. The battle of the boards.

Yeah yeah, I'm a perfectionist. It's the perfect answer to the question "what is your biggest weakness?" But that is exactly what it is, a weakness.

I got to my classroom at about noon today and expected to be there for a few hours, until maybe three. The thing is, when I start working on my room I lose track of time. This is partially due to the fact that there is no clock in my room. Time stands still. Well, at least until I look at my phone and realize that I have been working on ONE bulletin board for 5 hours. I was actually asked to leave my school today- by the janitor because he wanted to lock up. My perfectionist-self has taken over this week. This room is what I am going to be looking at day in and day out for 9 months. It has to be pretty, it has to be colorful, and chances are, I'm going to be sick of it in a few weeks.

Hopefully I will not get sick of this bulletin board... (I also need a saying of some sort to put above it. Something along the lines of Collegiate and race or College Bound. I'm really struggling with that so any help with ideas would be much appreciated!)

The 5 hour bulletin board we shall call it. This bulletin board features 6 of my favorite conference's 10, er... 11 teams. I am aware that these colleges will be pretty much completely unknown, and perhaps irrelevant to my students. They know U T, A&M, U of H, Rice etc. But I grew up with the Big Ten, and I want them to get a glimpse into my life, so I will steer clear of the colleges they know and have them branch out, while I cling on to the Big Ten.

I have 6 classes. The folders I got are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple, so, naturally, I needed colleges that went with those colors. I picked Wisconsin over Ohio State for the red school because, well, OSU tended to beat U of I a lot (minus our rose bowl year!), and Iowa over Michigan for the yellow college, That choice was easy, because Michigan's color is not yellow, it's maize (we call it corn). There was no gold, crimson, or maroon, so Purdue, Indiana, and Minnesota were left out. So, my classes are going to by 1st period: Wisconsin, 2nd: Illinois, 3rd: Iowa, 4th: MSU, 5th: Penn St, and 6th: Northwestern. They will all be competing against each other every week based on behavior and assessment scores in order to win a "friday prize." I am very pleased with the outcome of this board, but I will be the first to admit that it took me WAY too long. (If for any reason anyone needs the big ten logos drawn, I better be the first one you call.)

I had endless amounts of fun drawing the logos, and making the pendants. Not to mention the laminating. The little things in life that bring joy-the laminating machine is pretty high up on that list. Right after chocolate, and right before cotton candy. But I look at this board, and I see something that I am very proud of, and something the kids will probably care less about. Let me tell you, that is a royal bummer. It is my goal to get them excited about college though, so maybe, in turn, I will get them excited about the 5 hour board.

Tomorrow I'm taking a shot at the bulletin board in the back of the room that is twice as big. I'm seriously praying that it doesn't take me 10 hours.


Forever yours,

ms. s

Life outside of the teaching realm.

Well, let's be honest, there isn't really life outside of the teaching realm, because all of my friends are teachers, but we do have a life outside of school.

I have 2 beautiful roommates in our beautiful three bedroom apartment in the galleria area of Houston. Lauryn Cruz (Luz) is on the left and Maria Grasso (Ria) is on the right. They are both from St. Louis (yes the cubs/cards debacle has been challenging for us). Lauryn went to St. Louis University and Maria went to Mizzou. Of the 302 other Houston corp members I do not think you could find two more unique, interesting, humorous, caring, fun people. No joke. I am so blessed that I met these girls. They make my life more pleasant every day. Cheers to you ladies.

I think it is a common occurrence that the people who join TFA at one point or another thought to themselves, "Am I going to be the only normal person here?" I thought it, for sure. As it turns out, the answer is absolutely not. Mostly due to the fact that I have recently discovered that I am, in fact, not normal. However, I have also revised my previous question into, "Are there going to be other people like me here?" And the answer to that is yes. Let me elaborate on "people like me." I mean to say, other awesome people. You know, people who like to have fun, but get their stuff done. People who are outgoing and leaders, but don't get super stressed out 24/7 and will attend the occasional happy hour (or hours in our case). People who are here to change the world but realize that they are not going to be able to do it by themselves. People who love life and want to make the most of every single day. Yep, they're here. And they are now my closest friends.

Friday Night at Union Bar- Meghan, Shannon, Lauryn, Maria, and myself... then Kevin, Cory and Nick making the picture more interesting.

Lauryn, Gordon, Paul, Me, and Kev at the Matisyahu concert at the House of Blues.

Wednesday Night at Community Bar: Emily, Kev, Me, Greg, Cory, Shiroy, ChiChi, Maria, and Naaz.

I can't wait to make even more memories with all of these amazing people.

I love this city and all of its people,

Caro

First Day in my Classroom!

Today I had to be at my school for a mini-meeting, and then the rest of the day was left for us to get started setting up our rooms.

My room is in the "6th grade building" which is basically self-explanatory, a separate building for all the 6th grade classes. There is an upstairs and a downstairs where each floor has a math, reading, english, history, and science class and the kids rotate room to room throughout the day. This means that the teachers that are upstairs will have all the same kids, so they are my "learning community." Let me tell you, it sucks having to go up that flight of stairs with boxes and boxes of stuff, but it is so worth it because the teachers upstairs (in my learning community) are awesome!!! 3 of them I know from before because of summer school, which is really nice.

So I get into my classroom with 3 different colors of butcher paper (red, orange, and yellow because my kids are gonna be on fireeee!!) and I look around and wonder to myself, what the heck am I going to put in this room!? I brought a pack of highlighters, 2 sharpies, and some pens. I put up my yellow bulletin board and the room still looked super plain. I didn't have any supplies! Thinking about the endless amount of money I was going to have to spend on posters, pencils, notebooks, erasers, etc. etc. etc. I was about to call my mom and beg for money (something I've only had to do once in my life... a week ago when I realized I was going to bounce my first check), when Mr. Donovan walked in. Zan Donovan is a 09 TFAer teaching his second year at Deady. He asked me if I wanted to go check out the supply closet with him. Supply closet? What's that? Do they have pencils? Oooo I'm pumped. He kind of just laughed at me. So we made our way to the supply closet, and much to my surprise the supply closet turned out to be a supply room. Zan didn't warn me about this, or the fact that I was not going to be able to carry everything that I wanted and that I should have brought a cart down, or for that matter a flat bed. Luckily, I found a rolly cart in the supply room and was able to use that. I was like a little kid in a candy store. Markers, scissors, construction paper, loose leaf paper, white out, paper clips, staplers, tape dispensers, pencil sharpener, chart paper, composition notebooks, folders.... I could seriously go on forever. Needless to say this little cart was not big enough for all of the stuff I needed...errr....wanted for my room and my future students (all 200 of them). Wow I forgot the most important supplies of them all, dry erase supplies. MY FAVORITE! Dry erase markers are amazing. I have enough for each student so that we can use dry erase boards in class (you can get them at lowes/homedepot for real cheap if anyone is in the market for some dry erase boards). I loaded up my cart, wheeled it to my room- which took about 10 minutes because I kept getting lost- then went back to the supply room, and did this again 3 more times (including the getting lost part).

This is just after the first trip to the supply room!!! -------------->

Needless to say getting all of these supplies (for free) definitely got me really excited. I was super worried that I was not going to be able to get enough stuff for my kids because I just wouldn't be able to afford it! I got so caught up in organizing all my new stuff that I worked straight through lunch, and way passed 3:30 when we were supposed to leave. We don't have anything for my school until next Tuesday, but I'm pretty sure I am going in everyday until them to set everything up.

When I finally ended up leaving school I headed straight to the teacher store because I needed supplies! ha, not really supplies, but more like posters and such to spice up the room. I can't wait to put everything up and have my classroom all ready for my kids!!!


Until next time,

Ms. Schwartz

MY WHOLE SUMMER IN ONE POST.

So, I've always liked to blog. When I went abroad it thrilled me to share all my ridiculous stories with people.

I figured, "Hey, I'm moving to Texas. I don't know anyone. I'm going to teach kids. I have no money. I could write an awesome blog."

Well I'm sure this is true, but I did not think about the whole time aspect. Oh time, you've always been so good to me, but now you're just not there for me anymore. I don't understand where you've run off to. Really, where has time gone? It's August. August. I should be thinking about going back to school. Oh, but I am. I am thinking about going back to school, but for an entirely different reason than I ever though imaginable. I'm going to school to teach. This is not to say that I'm done learning though. I have a lot to learn. I need to learn how to teach so I can teach kids how to learn.

It's crazy if you think about it. Seriously, crazy. I studied advertising at the University of Illinois for four years and now, somehow, somewhere, someone decided I was qualified to teach 6th grade science. Ha. Not only that, but this certain someone also decided that I would teach 6th grade math for the summer to prepare me to teach 6th grade science. Ha. Ha.

Deady Middle School, home of the hornets. Along with about 50 other corp members I'd take the bus to the south-east of Houston to Mighty Deady everyday.

I spent this summer teaching 6th grade math to 11-15 year olds. I also spent this summer teaching a 22 year-old 6th grade math in order to ATTEMPT to teach it to children.

On a pre-assessment that my students took at the beginning of the summer they scored a whopping 34%* on average. (*Note this is skewed because of outliers... the kid who refused to take it who received a 0%, but also the highest grade which was a 63%.) I knew this experience was going to be tough but I did not realize the extent.

I walked into my first day of teaching with a big smile on my face. Mistake #1.
I told them how excited I was to be teaching them math. Mistake #2.
I nervously laughed when they made jokes, especially when they were about me. Mistake #3.
I proceeded to explain the rules of my classroom by talking over them as they broke all the rules. Mistake #4.
I took it all personally. Mistake #5

I walked out of that classroom as fast as I could and the moment I turned the corner out of the student hallway, I burst into tears. I was with them for 90 minutes, and thus far I had accomplished nothing. Well, not exactly nothing, I did learn that one of my students thought I had a nice ass.

Millions of questions rattled through my mind. How am I going to help them? Why won't they listen? Am I doing something wrong? What the heck am I going to do tomorrow?

I didn't have any answers. When we got back to Rice there was a huge party for us. Everyone was smiling, laughing, telling their friends about how awesome their class was, and I began to think I had already failed. There were giant pieces of paper for us to write about our first day at this party. People wrote "My kids rocked!" "Today was the best day ever" "I'm an awesome teacher" "They were so excited to learn."

I wrote: "Tomorrow will be better."


Trying to explain to someone out of the TFA bubble the amount of work that went into every single day of institute is a lost cause. Lesson Planning. Two words that I never in a million years thought would make my life so miserable. I worked 20-22 hour days. I ate and worked. Very healthy I must say. I probably gained 15 pounds and shed 5 of those lbs through tears. I have never thought of myself as a crier, but if you went through institute and didn't cry once you were either high on drugs, completely and utterly awesome beyond awesomeness, or had a disease that affected your tear ducts. And to think I always believed I was completely and utterly awesome beyond awesomeness.

Frustration and sleeplessness were my biggest enemies. Not the kids. The kids were awesome. I mean, they were terrors, but somewhere in them I knew they were good kids. They've been failed by the system. Failed by their teachers year after year. How are they to blame for their behavior, if it has always just been expected of them? I had the "bad class," everyone knew it. My mentor teacher would just say "ohhhh, they're just bad kids, you'll be fine in the fall" some mentoring that was. I did like to think that if I could make it through the summer I would have an easier time. But then the phone call came. The phone call that changed my life. (I will get to that phone call I promise but my hiring process must be explained first!)

I had 9 interviews before I was hired. Most people had 1, some had 2 or 3, I had 9. With that came 8 rejection letters. I was barely batting 100, I mean come on, I'm a 300 hitter! I thought with all my heart that I nailed every single interview. That I was perfect for that school, in that job coaching that sport. One school even asked if I would head up the PR department because of my degree in advertising. This same school needed a girls soccer coach. Each time I'd be so excited to teach at that school. I'd talk about it like it was my school. Then that letter would come in my mail box. After the 2nd or third I could see it from a mile away. "Hello Caroline! We have spoken with __________ (Hogg/Dowling/Marshall/Revere/Hartman/Key/Jackson/Fondrin) and unfortunately the __________ (math/science/social studies/reading) position has been filled."

The part that got me every time was the exclamation point in the greeting.

So, on top of the lesson planning, the sleepless nights, and the terrorizing by my students, I was being rejected on a regular basis. Ouch. I must have been doing something wrong, my interview skills? I had no clue. I talked to my recruiter in order to maybe figure out what I could change and she said that all of the feedback from the principals had been positive, it was just "not going my way." Awesome.

Side bar ** I keep coming back to this analogy about playing soccer growing up when I think of my experience with job hunting and TFA. You were probably always the best player on your AYSO team, I'm talking MVP and captain, but when you made the move to travel soccer you were lucky if you even started. I feel less intelligent being around all the super intelligent people.**

Here comes the phone call story...

The day before I was going back to Chicago for the weekend, I was shopping at the dollar store with my roommate Maria. I got a call from a 312 numbers so of course I thought it was my Dad at work. Wrongo. It was a recruiter who was wondering if I was still in town and if I was could I make it to an interview in 1 hour. Uh, sure. What's the position- "6th grade science" (eh, okay that's fine, I wanted math, but science is the next best thing.) Where's the school- "South-east Houston" What's it called- "Deady Middle School"
You've got to be sh*tting me.

When I hung up and told Maria she asked me how I felt about it. At first I didn't really know, I basically didn't have any words, but then I realized how scared I was. We rushed home, I quickly changed and I made the trek over to Deady. It was the principals 2nd day and he needed to hire someone. The interview went well, at least I thought. We talked about football mostly. He was super nice and energetic, it almost made me forget that I was sitting in the same building that gave me hell for 5 weeks. At the end he said he would make a decision by Friday.

Yeah, so, I'm working at Deady if you haven't guessed it. I was woken up to Mr. Alvarez' call at 8am on Thursday. The good news is most of my students are going to be in 7th grade so they will not be in my class. But there are 2 who may grace me with their presence because they were retained due to bad behavior. Seems like I'm getting another chance.

My apologizes for my randomness, lack of flow, and probably overall horrible narrative.

Tomorrow will be better :)